August 4, 2024
The older I get, the more I feel the need to romanticize my life.
Protect your energy
A hair story
My favorite days
Buy a hotel dinner
Just a girlie romanticizing
July 15, 2024
It’s so easy to forget that Cebu is an ancient city. 500 years old and that’s only what we know from the colonizers.
When Cebu is empty, like today, it shows its age. You see how the old trees grow, roots breaking through asphalt, canopies covering entire streets. When downtown is empty in the wee hours of the morning, you see not the bustling heart of a global city but a relic from older, slower times: Art Deco buildings, grime that doesn’t come off, Chinese signs on old stores, alleys that go nowhere and everywhere.
Cebu is an old girl. On these islands, people walked around covered in nothing but tattoos. The bravest, most cunning were covered from sole to eyebrow and they earned each one. People dyed their teeth black and inlaid them with gold because they believed only wild animals had white teeth. Imagine what they’d think if they saw a toothpaste commercial.
In these old islands, people didn’t worship the Sto Nino as the Child Jesus but as a little water deity — the diwata of the Spanish — a tao-tao they put in a little raft to pray for rain during droughts.
We forget that Cebu is old — that she’d been here for hundreds of years — and that perhaps she’d stand for a hundred more, long after we are gone.
Island people have short memories and fickle hearts and maybe even feet that can’t wait to sail away. But I think it’s important to remember that we’re not the first ones on this ancient island…and that maybe saving some of Cebu’s old-world magic is worth the trouble after all.
1. That I am responsible for the happiness of others.
2. That I should be looking out for people all the time without taking care of myself first.
3. That all my ideas are original.
4. That I don't have anything to learn anymore.
5. That it's normal to be unhealthy as you grow older.
6. That exercise is a punishment.
7. That there are good and bad foods.
8. That my attention span is still the same pre-internet
9. That I have to be a productive member of society to have value as a person.
10. That emo is dead lol
11. That dress sizes determine your self worth.
12. That imperfect action is bad.
13. That introverts can't do business.
14. That I have to do everything myself.
15. That all social interactions are draining.
16. That my life sucks if I don't travel.
17. That adult friendships happen without work
18. That everyone has their shit together
19. That being in your 30s is old
20. That life has a fixed timeline and path instead of just being a series of side quests to enjoy and learn from
21. That MSG is bad and the food pyramid trustworthy LOL
22. That wanting money and financial stability is bad
23. That I have to allow my community to change without my input
24. That incessant scrolling is okay
25. That I'm a Star Wars fan even though I'm just in it because of the love stories and hot villains
26. That memories are perfect infallible records of life events
27. That I can't achieve my goals because they are too out there
28. That our bodies don't manifest stress and trauma
29. That pre-colonial Filipino literature exists
30. That there's only one way to worship God
31. That billionaires are good or smart
32. That having a support system of family and friends is weak
33. That anything on social media is real
July 14, 2024
I moved out of my childhood home at the ripe old age of 30.
I wish I could say that was a joke, but I'm being earnest.
In the years since, I've discovered I liked making my spaces...mine. Dear reader, this millennial discovered the joys of decorating her space for the first time.
I found out that I actually had preferences on things like furniture and appliances. That I liked matching duvets. That I'm partial to clean, minimalist styles. That I had a style preference at all!
Maybe this is what happens when you've never had a space of your own 🥲
Everything in our big family home was shared: rooms, wardrobes, beds. I've never really occupied or personalized a space until I moved out of my parents' house.
So this need to decorate? Perhaps it's just me relishing the fact that I can do whatever the heck I want now. Maybe I'm making up for lost time and agency. Maybe I just like nice things.
But! I digress.
The point of this post was to share some of the spaces that I've occupied since moving out. Please enjoy:
The OG
In December 2019, I finally convinced my parents to let me get an apartment in the city. It was a hard-won victory and a very short-lived one, but it opened my eyes to the wonders of having your own space.
My rented room was a shoebox — just a small airconditioned room with its own CR and a single bed — but I loved it so much. It was the first space that I truly had on my own and I decorated it accordingly: I got matching linen for the bed, battery-powered fairy lights, and a pineapple-and-sage diffuser from Miniso to complete the vibe. I hung art prints on the blank wall and collected a small pile of books on top of the small study table. I bought a small LED lamp that also doubled as a Bluetooth speaker. I filled the tall cupboards with snacks and didn't have to share them with anyone!
I was living the life...for a grand total of 3 months. *sad trombone*
I had to move back home and eventually forfeit my lease when...well, you know how 2020 went. It broke my heart to leave, but I cherish the memories I spent in this tiny room.
(I share my experience at length here. Warning: it's kind of sad.)
Condo home "office"
Fast forward to 2021: pandemic restrictions have let up somewhat and I'm ready to move out again — this time with the person currently known as my husband.
As we made plans to move in together, my husband and I found a gem of a space: a fully furnished one-bedroom condo inside my favorite neighborhood.
This was a very lucky find: it was an east-facing unit with lots of natural light, it was centrally located, no one has occupied it before, and — this was the kicker — it was listed at a huge discount because of the pandemic.
This was our first home together. ❤️
After moving in, I wasted no time staking my claim to build a "home office". I bought a desk from Mandaue Foam and on it dumped my laptop, an "aesthetic"' lamp, and some dried flowers. The art prints continued to make an appearance on my wall. My parents gifted me a couple of potted plants, which livened up the little corner.
It was a simple setup, but as a girlie who grew up in a whirlwind of Filipino maximalism (which bordered on hoarding lol), I loved its clean and minimal vibe. The natural light and neutral walls were also great for taking "studio" photos and Youtube videos.
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| Look at her, Little Miss Youtuber |
The only downside to this space was that it was right next to our bed — not the most conducive setup if you want work-life balance.
So when it was time for us to move out, my husband and I decided that our next home should have a separate home office space. Which leads us to this:
The real home office
As much as I loved my first home office, I think our new office is better. For one, it's now an actual, separate room! Having physical boundaries from work does wonders for one's mental health.
Second, more space! Aside from the desk and ergo chair, the room can accommodate a cabinet, a printer, and maybe even more plants. If you clear out the chairs, you can even lay out a small sleeping mat or bean bag for when guests sleep over.
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| She's a mess, but we love it |
Lastly, it also has a lot of natural light. I feel like this is a common denominator among all the spaces I've occupied. As a person who needs to photosynthesize, natural light just makes me super happy.
Our cozy sala
Our new home came with an actual living room, dining/kitchen, garage, and a service area. This was a huge jump from our cute one-bedroom apartment. On one hand, more space. On the other, more upkeep.
It took me a hot minute (read: 8 months lol) to make these spaces our own. Moving, it turned out, was a super stressful and expensive affair. Decorating was the last thing on my mind during those first few months.
But after getting my footing — and after spending hours scrolling on Pinterest for minimal Japandi inspo — I finally turned our sala into this cute and cozy living space. It's amazing what a lamp, a plant, and some funky prints can do to liven up a space!
Here's a side-by-side comparison of what it looks like now vs when we first moved in. Isn't she cute? It's still a work in progress, but I am taking the win. Adulting achievement unlocked!
Our dining area
That's the story so far
In the near future, I'd like to build the house of my Pinterest dreams. Until then, I'll continue to have fun decorating the places that I currently occupy.
July 13, 2024
Maybe I am old.
Maybe I crave clunky UI/X and the constant threat of Google deleting my online consciousness on a whim.Or maybe I'm just looking for a place where algorithms can't find me — a respite from spicy tweets, tech bros, and the incessant deluge of trash content.
And trust me, dear reader, I've been looking.
Where the hell have you been, loca?
I've been trying to heal from a creative burnout. I didn't know I was burnt out then — when I was in the midst of it — but now I know.
Monetizing your hobbies leaves a vacuum for your *actual* hobbies.
So in the last five years, I've tried a lot of platforms and content creation formats to fill the void:
- various social media
- video — both short and long-form
- newsletters
- microblogging
- Notion
- — and even LinkedIn!
Unfortunately, I can't seem to stick to any of them. None of these spaces felt genuinely mine. The social nature of these platforms also made them...noisy. Even when I wanted to just create for the sake of creating, my attention always snagged on algorithms, the stats, subscribers, trends, comments — you know the drill.
It was exhausting, more so because content creation is what I do for a living now.
(Literally, I am registered as a content creator on my tax documents haha)
I just wanted a quiet place to share my thoughts.
And that led me back here, to where we began.
Honestly, I don't know if coming back here was the right answer
After all, there must be a reason why I kept this domain running all these years, right?
Now what?
I just want to write and let things happen organically. I've a huge backlog of random thoughts collected over the last five years. Maybe I'll share them here.
So mao to.
If you made it here, thanks for reading.
See you when I see you,
March 14, 2020
1. Always be grateful
This seems like a given, but for someone who was seemingly hardwired to be pragmatic all her life, constant gratefulness can actually be challenging. I've this bad habit of looking over my shoulder in times of happiness and abundance, certain that life will take everything away at any moment.
Yeah, that's not... that’s not cool. Take it from me, kids.
So this year, I've had to consciously remind myself to be grateful for all the things that I've been blessed with, for all the events and circumstances that have shaped me along the way.
This year, I learned that gratefulness is a constant, conscious exercise. It’s a ladder that I must climb every day.
2. Find like-minded individuals and collaborators
This was one of my favorite realizations this year.
And then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.
What did I do differently?
I begrudgingly got over my fear of answering DMs and emails and rejection and just worked with people.
3. Growth is slow but keep going
A few months ago I had a mild anxiety/panic attack because I felt like I wasn't growing fast enough. I felt that everyone in my life was leaving me behind, that people believed that I had so much potential but I didn't have anything to show for it. I felt that I had so many bigas na kakainin, as the saying goes, and I didn't have a damned rice cooker.
Well, it felt like that, at least.
As I've mentioned over and over in my previous posts, patience is not my strong suit. I want to be good at things, and I want to be good at them RIGHT NOW.
Realizing that that’s not the way things work was frustrating, but it’s the truth.
Growth is slow and gradual and oftentimes, painstaking. Progress is not glamorous, especially if you have to make your way from the bottom. The only way out is through, you know? You just have to accept the fact that growth is a process. Trust it. Learn from it. Revel in it. Grow as you go.
4. Create for yourself
It seems like hard lessons are the main theme for this post. A lot of my personal creative endeavors went to the back burner because I wanted to hit a certain amount of income each month.
I think I got what I wanted, alright, but it was at the expense of KFTI, my book blog, YT channel, and personal writing projects.
I invested so much time writing and creating for other people that I feel nauseous just thinking of writing and creating for myself. Blank pages felt daunting--- they still do, actually--- and that's something that I want to remedy this coming 2020.
Ha, wish me luck.
Looking back, I now realize that I worked with almost ten different clients this past year. And that's on top of my regular nine-to-five.
Wow.
Kinsa akong gibuhi?
Akong anxiety? LOL.
I honestly don't know how I managed to get through that, but I'm thankful that I did. And I learned a lot of lessons while doing all those gigs, too, but I'll save them for another time.
5. Learn from others
I love not being the smartest person in the room.
I love listening to other people's stories and views and ways on how to overcome challenges.
This year, I realized that learning from others is so fun. There's so much knowledge you can glean from people and their experiences. They're like self-help books, but better, because you can ask these people questions and get really insightful answers.
I mean Google can try, but nothing quite beats first-hand experiences, you know? Learn from others. Listen to their stories. Let them fill your cup with the good stuff.
6. Spend your time wisely
As mentioned earlier, I was obsessed with being productive last year. On the one hand, it's helpful because I get so much done in my spare time. For example, while being stuck in traffic on the super long bus ride home, I'd learn Korean or listen to podcasts or write book reviews.
On the other hand, I got stress-induced gastritis and premature under-eye wrinkles that even a 10-step Korean skincare regimen can not undo.
So when I say spend your time wisely, what I really mean is that you don't have to be working all the time.
Resting is productive, too. It means taking a pause and allowing your mind and body to recover. Slowing down doesn't necessarily equate to slacking off. Being mindful of how you spend your time and health is important. Remember: recuperating and recharging is worthwhile, too.
7. Learn to unplug and enjoy the quiet
That being said, this year I learned how to unplug and enjoy the quiet.
Lol, who am I kidding, I'm still learning this lesson.
It's a challenge, especially if you're on the internet all the time. Especially if you work on the internet all the time. But this 2020, I'll do my best to take breaks from the noise of the internet.
You know, try to read a book in silence. Plant a herb garden. Take longer walks. Learn how to draw properly. Try to sew something together. Learn an offline skill in case an electromagnetic pulse attack wipes out the power grid and we'll all be left scrambling for purchase. I bet it would be awesome.
8. Stay healthy
Early this year, I was plagued by intense migraines. Stress-related acid reflux. Bad colds that lasted two whole freaking weeks. They were bummers with a big fat capital B. Staying in bed and feeling like crap can kill your momentum.
Lesson learned: don't get sick.
Eat good food. Stay hydrated. Take long walks. Do skip ropes. Health truly is wealth, and don't you ever forget it.
9. You're never too old to wonder
My man CS Lewis once said: "Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again."
Dudes, you're never too old to wonder, never too jaded to see beauty in even the simplest things.
Here's one of the most important things I've learned thus far: adulting is hard AF, but you don't have to be a miserable adult. If anything, adulthood should be a journey of constant wonder.
Sure, you have to juggle so many things: your work and finances, relationships and mental health, fitness, and spirituality, but don't let life turn you into a hard person. It's always easier said than done for sure, but don't forget to take joy in the little things.
10. Keep learning and skill up
How do you stand out?
How do you get high-paying projects or jobs?
Most of all, how do you make sure that you work with organizations that mirror your own goals?
Personally, I think that you can do most, if not all of the above, by learning valuable and marketable skills.
The trick is to invest in yourself. Sounds preachy? I know, but it makes sense.
See, the thought of being a replaceable asset didn't sit well with me, so I wanted to be someone who was, well, the exact opposite. I wanted to be someone who brought value to a team or business. Someone who people trusted, you know? Someone who didn't have to chase after penny projects or shitty clients.
So here's what I did: I learned the shit out of this year. I may have lost a couple of brain cells along the way, but the stuff that I learned helped me become better at what I do and have also opened a lot of doors for me.
When I started writing full-time two (wow, just two? It seriously feels longer) years ago, I barely knew what I was doing. I was just flinging spaghetti on a wall and hoping that something sticks, you know?
But this year I learned to be a tad bit more strategic.
I learned SEO (still learning. My gulay, this skillset just never ends) and email marketing. I sharpened by copywriting and branding skills. I had to learn how to produce online videos that would rank well (super helpful if you also run a small channel).
Then there was the small matter of editing and coaching other writers.
Whoa. Looking back now, I really don't know how I managed to do all of this without falling apart into a sorry pile of exhaustion. Oh wait, I did. LOL. I'm just really thankful that I can do all these and still get paid for my trouble.
Takeaway: regardless of what your background is, you should always try to improve yourself. Resting on one's laurels doesn't do anyone good unless you're like Master Yoda and have learned all you can in this dimension.
11. Respond to emails promptly
Emails and calls induce anxiety to introverts but there's no way around it. You just gotta wear your big girl panties and answer those emails. If you're working on freelance projects, be ready with your rate sheet and portfolio, too. You don't want to scramble stuff at the very last minute.
12. Be picky with projects
- some projects just aren't worth your effort
- not everyone you work with would be a perfect fit
13. Network is important
Still, I learned that having a healthy network of friends and connections can help you in so many ways. Some events drained my introvert energies for days, sure, but they were worth it. You just have to know where to spend said energies.
14. Active anticipation
15. Get used to discomfort
16. Seek your own way
Why don’t I have kids yet, like everyone else?
When will I get myself a car, like everyone else?
Don’t I want to go abroad and be the nurse that I was meant to be, like everyone else?
Why don’t I take out a housing loan and settle in the burbs, like everyone else?
At the risk of sounding really dumb and foolish— I just...don't think that we should do what everyone else is doing.
Here’s what I learned: we all walk different paths, at different paces. No two journeys are the same. And so, even if it’s hard not to compare oneself with the success of others, I try my hardest to seek my own way and walk in it with confidence.
17. Everyone's arc and timeline is different
Life isn’t a checklist. There’s no one standard path. Everyone’s just figuring stuff out as they go. Each of us has a different timeline, too. We all have different journeys and arcs, so why should we follow just one path like it’s the only one?
18. Sad ain't bad
19. Find joy in little things
20. Enjoy the present
21. Read books you're not used to reading
22. Be consistent
23. Be happy for others' success and yours
24. Invest in the following: mutual funds, good pillows, and ergonomic chairs
25. God is so good
26. Home is where the heart is but boy, independence is sweet
27. Learning a new language is so fun
28. Be kind.
29. We must say goodbye to some things
